And the rerun series comtinues…
Yesterday, we relived the experience of 2 young women who had the opportunity to not only meet Rob, but to have it go down in history as part of the new article in April’s GQ magazine. As I read that little moment of Rob history, I spelled out the 5 things those girls did wrong so future fan girls may avoid those same errors.
These girls totally failed at their mission. I feel bad, because they didn’t have me to help show them the way to Rob’s bedroom. Luckily, you all will not suffer the same fate! Thanks to me, as I will happily offer myself to reenact this same
When you see all this in front of you, play it cool and confident. No melting allowed!!
moment and show you all how it should have ended. (Spoiler Alert: It will end very, VERY well!)
Then there was this woman (that’s right, I ain’t no girl!), mid-20s, blonde, amazingly gorgeous (yep, I said it!) – unapologetic and confident – approaching the table, carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag.
“Victoria’s Secret!” he says, brow arched. “What did you get?”
“Just a few new pairs of panties. No big.”(Please refer to #1 of things girls did wrong.)
Rob, brow still arched, sneaks a quick glance downward, then back up. “Soooo…?” Clearly, he no longer knows what to say, no one has shown that much confidence in front of him.
So beautiful woman continues, “I was going to ask for an autograph, but I noticed you were busy with an interview. If you don’t mind, here is my cell phone number (since apparently NO ONE calls him, GQ guy says) and you can just call me when you are done. “
Woman walks away confidently (gotta keep up the confidence ladies, or it won’t work!), leaving Rob with a number and a slightly shocked look on his face.
Okay, break in the lesson! Really put myself in a position of chance. There is a chance he will laugh about this and I will be a story he will tell whenever they ask about the crazy fan…OR, since he does like the crazies, interview ends and he calls because 1.) He is intrigued, and 2.) He is just too nice a guy and doesn’t want to break my heart.
And now, back to the stimulation simulation:
This is how Rob will look in the bar. Be prepared. Do not jump his bones (at least not immediately).
“Um, hi, this is Rob. Yes, um, I wanted to make sure you got your autograph.”
“Oh yes, thanks. I’m over at (insert nearest bar/pub to where you first saw Rob). I’ll buy you a beer for your trouble…”
Rob shows up, he signs autograph and takes a picture (and never sees Rob wallpaper on phone cause you will have time to change it). He starts to leave, but the beer is calling him. He stays, chats, gets seen by paparazzi who say he was enjoying a beer with a beautiful blonde woman at a local bar and enrages entire tween fan base.
So, from here ladies, I cannot tell you how to be your perfect, most charming self. I know you got it in you (and of course, for my simulation, I DEFINENTLY had it!). And remember, avoid talking about how amazingly hot he is, what a great actor he is OR make any comparisons to how he is like Edward. And don’t get bored with him, like this silly girl did. But I know you have PLENTY of things you can think of that will help you keep from getting bored! 
Eyes on the prize ladies, eyes on the prize!! Lesson complete, pencils down.
Since I all know you have dreamed of this moment, tell me: what clever, insightful things would you say to sway Rob?
March 15th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Great post. I am not giving up any tips but I’ll write about them after we’re done…
March 15th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Eyes on the Prize-FOCUS-Eyes on the Prize I am so READY!!
March 15th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
This was so funny! I love your reenactment, and I will be sure to keep these tips in mind if I ever run into him!
March 16th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Love your “stimulation” er “simulation”. Love it!
March 16th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Great tips! The crazy thing is, I almost feel like it could work.
March 17th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Love it love it love it.
And I think he would too!
March 18th, 2009 at 5:24 am
I know it’s so not gonna happen but if I’m ever a lucky bitch to meet him, I’ll definitely play the I-don’t-know-who-the-fuck-you-are-but-you’re-cute-anyway-role
So it must be a bar or pub and no Twilight/New Moon related show up, ’cause the strategy won’t work then…
But thanks for your suggestions, I’ll keep them in mind, ’cause you never know, right!?
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:52 am
[...] READ PART 2 HERE!! HILARIOUS!!! [...]
May 21st, 2009 at 8:03 am
[...] so she’ll tweet his exact coordinates and then REMEMBER to always refer to the lesson1 and lesson 2 of how to play it cool around [...]
June 8th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Actually… if you really wanted to see him speechless… you should have said…
“Oh just a couple of new THONGS… no biggie.”
THAT WOULD REALLY GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT…
“uh, scuze me guys I’ve got another interview to get to….”
LOL!!!!
June 10th, 2009 at 8:41 am
[...] wrong. We all remember the fangirls from the GQ article and what they did wrong and how they could have done it all right. [...]
June 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Oh Amber! Why did you have to give up the secrets? Now EVERYBODY will be doing this and it won’t mean as much. You need to draft another situational response and email it to just me! LOL For like, you know, when I go to Vancouver later this year, because, um, I’ve always wanted to go there, and um, I hear they have these really great bars and stuff…. (And note to self – gotta learn how to fake smoke convincingly, like sexily, not retardedly!)
June 16th, 2009 at 8:07 am
[...] when we discussed the GQ girls and saw all of their wrongs and sought out ways we could make them right. Remember when we found what was close to the perfect fangirl experience when a nice girl did nothing [...]
May 7th, 2010 at 12:16 am
[...] one where we talked about always telling Rob you have panties in your bag, and the second where I rerun the scenario with a much more favorable outcome. This was the birth of the fangirl rules, because let’s face it, we are all fangirls but we [...]