You B*tches Broke All My Rules!!

Gather round my fangirls and let’s all have a moment of silence for the ones who failed at every one of my rules of fangirl-ism.

Remember when we discussed the GQ girls and saw all of their wrongs and sought out ways we could make them right. Remember when we found what was close to the perfect fangirl experience when a nice girl did nothing (except rub her boobs up on Rob which IS okay!).

But today, we are mourning for Rob and the four girls who have truly given us all a bad name. Since they were such idiots, then now must suffer the wrath of my yellow pen as I break them hoes down, Madden style!

Skank Ho #1 - I can appreciate the fact you didn’t tackle Rob, but really, do you think right there is the best place to offer Rob a BJ? I know this is what you did, cause the look on Rob’s face AND the body guard (who, by the way, earned a big ol’ fat “F” today!) says it. You were up front, but geez, maybe this wasn’t the right time. Probably would have been better offering it to the body guard. He may have hooked you up with a secret passage into Rob’s trailer.

Skank ho #2- And you, you just got erased. You damn near strangled my dear Robbie and were whispering one of two things in his ear: 1) “I’ll never let go Rob. I’ll never let go.” or 2) “Bite me, Edward. PUHLEASE!!!” No touchy! Hands off! And next time you go to grab the arm Mr. Body Guard #2, please slap the hoe for me. She deserved it with her KStew wannabe ass!

Skank ho #3- NOOOOOOO!!! DO NOT SHOW UP TO MEET ROB WITH AN EDWARD/TWILIGHT BAG!!!!! Okay, fine you bought it. Leave it at home if there is even a slight chance you may run into Rob. In fact, ensure that there is nothing Twilight related about you and that you don’t have your shirtless Rob picture still as your background on your phone! Yep, I know you did mob girl #3, I JUST KNOW IT!! Poor Rob is smiling, but I’m sure he is wondering what sort of venieral diesease he just caught from you touching him. Oh, and, what, is that mob girl #2 again? Bitch, I thought I got rid of you!!

Oh skank hos. You look so happy! And you should be! You just won the ultimate prize, your very own personal restraining orders from none other than Robert Pattinson himself!! (And Summit, too!) That’s right, for the remainder of the movie, you shall remain at least 200 feet away from Rob, his co-stars, the crew, the set, etc. In fact, why don’t you just leave NYC? C’mon down to Oklahoma! I can show you a good time. *cracks knuckles*

P.S. You are not cute. Sorry. It just had to be said.

And this, this is why you should not be like the skank hos:

Doesn’t he look like he just went through hell? It’s cause he did. Now, we don’t want to see this face again, so please, PLEASE, be good fangirls! Don’t make me pull anymore sad face Rob pics on you!

NOTE: I got together with Katharine over at Robsession and we put together our resumes for Summit to officially take over the positions of protecting His Holy Hotness from crazy skank hoes like these. Go, read, NOW!! It’s hilarious!