Are you prepared for the zombie threat?

I fear zombies. Seriously. I fear the day the dead rise against us and we must fight the insatiable hordes of undead to survive. I spend far too much time considering whether or not I can secure my home against zombies (answer: yes) and how long my current supply of canned food would last (about 2 months). I consider the bow and arrow to be a better zombie-slaying weapon than a gun because everyone knows noise attracts zombies, so the report of a rifle would be most unwelcome while foraging for more food. The recent surge in zombie-preparedness literature is encouraging. Many dismiss these instructional manuals as mere “novelty novels” or “quirk-lit”. Those foolish critics will be the first devoured by the ravening mob of living dead. I have read a couple really good zombie books lately, World War Z and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Admittedly, the latter is pretty fluffy, but it does purport martial arts as an excellent mode of close-quarter defense against the undead. World War Z is really chilling. Replace “zombie plague” with “global pandemic” and I think it’s a scarily accurate assumption of exactly how poorly modern society will deal with such a catastrophic breakdown. If you really want your nerves shattered, check out the audio book version of Z, which is done Orson Welles-style and will make you petrified of dead people (as if they weren’t already scary enough). On to the fanfic rec’s, which do not include zombies. (Someone should write a fic where the Cullens are zombie hunters. That’d be pretty awesome.)

“Sleepers, Awake: Wachet auf, ruft uns die Stimme” by Fiesty Y Beden

Are you a wussperv? You should probably skip this one. I’m going to ruin it for you: This story revolves around Edward Cullen’s death. If you can’t deal, go read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. It’s funny, and you’ll be that much more prepared for the inevitable onslaught of brains-hungry undead. “Sleepers, Awake” is beautiful. It’s an elegiac tale of grief and what it means to really live. A couple years out of college and freshly dropped-out from a graduate art program, Bella—who lives in Boston and is so petrified of flying she hasn’t been back to Forks since she left high school—learns that her first and only love, Edward Cullen, has died in a plane crash. Wracked with grief because now Edward can never know her, Bella returns to Forks for the memorial and the weirdness sets in. This is a very original plot. Yes, it is terrifically sad, and yes, you will probably cry (I did). Bella’s whole life has been about “becoming someone” so that she can be worthy of Edward. Although she has romantic dreams, her more realistic hope is just that he would simply know who she is. It’s so sad it’s almost pathetic, but Bella is so earnest about this, and so cognizant of her own pathetic nature, that you don’t pity her. Instead you cheer her on as she begins conquering fears and insecurities, especially because she does it even though it’s too late. Or is it? Because you see, Bella has these dreams. And sometimes what happens in these dreams seems to affect her waking life. So while she moves through real life trying to come to grips with Edward’s loss—there are lovely interactions with Alice and Jasper—she seeks sleep to follow a more proactive course in her dreams. Because maybe… You just need to read it. Extra points for the creative use of Alice, and super extra bonus points for my favorite Rosalie ever. Rose is awesome, her friendship with Bella is so special, and given the canon function of Rose and Bella having a prickly relationship, I appreciate Fiesty Y Beden taking it in such an original direction. Does this story have a happy ending? Kinda. If you have to have the fairytale, Google the German at the end that Rosalie doesn’t know. Otherwise, the resolve is as beautiful and sad and real and hopeful as the rest of the story.

Fanfic rating: 8

Zombie-preparedness rating: 1 (While it will not educate you to defeat the living dead, it will teach you something about grief, which will come in useful as your friends and family are either devoured by flesh-eating corpses, or you are forced to puncture their brains to prevent further spreading the zombie plague. Either way, being prepared to deal with crushing grief is vital to zombie-apocalypse survival.)

“Mr. Horrible” by algonquinrt

To make up for rec’ing one of the saddest fics ever, here is one of the funniest. I don’t even know how to explain this one. You know those screwball comedies of the Thirties, like Bringing Up Baby? This is kind of the fanfic equivalent of that. Edward “Rich Kid” Cullen is an internet millionaire who falls for Bella “Baby Swan” Swan, who is an aspiring writer. Hilarity ensues. This fic wins the Best Use of James/Victoria/Laurent award, with special notice going to the fantastic Laurent. His white-trash-cook-off with Bella is inspired, and for a character who says little, he accomplishes much in effect. Winning for Best Use of an Original Character is Grandma Platt, Esme’s nine-hundred-year-old, socialite grande dame, possible-closet-alcoholic mother. Grandma Platt makes my life. There’s a unique twist on the Bellward relationship, especially how Bella handles the issue in cake-form, and I laughed all the way through this story. There are some elements which are less than funny. Bella has issues with Edward’s money, which I believe any self-respecting woman would have. There is that unique twist they must deal with. They have to reconcile their disparate friends (Emmett the conspiracy theorist!) and deal with their own, “Maybe we’re too young for all this” insecurity. But this story is by no means angsty. It’s pure long-form comedy. I’ve re-read it a couple times and laughed just as hard on the second reading as I did on the first. It’s almost complete, and algonquinrt is teasing a sequel to come, which hopefully will continue the hilaritude. Definitely read “Mr. Horrible”, if for no other reason than to learn to what the title refers.

Fanfic rating: 9

Zombie-preparedness rating: 0 (If this is the only thing you’re reading, it was nice knowing you.)

See the rest of KStew411′s recs over on her very own page!