Rob My World

If I’m dying, I think this may be a good way to go. I knew it would be bad on Friday. I knew the media circus would end well, at least for us the fans.

Rob did not disappoint. And if you haven’t seen me much this weekend, it’s because I have been in a Rob-induced coma. (What? This is a very real disease. Do not doubt me.)

But do not fear my Rob-hards, I want to help you. I am hear to tell you exactly how to avoid sending yourself into this very same coma! So pull out your notebooks and pens and take notice.

1. Do not, I repeat, do not add “Robert Pattinson” to your Google alerts.

This apparently is a big no no, especially with the onslaught of media that is surely coming down the pipe. Used to be, it was like a little mini present every time I check the alerts, but Saturday I woke up to 327 alerts. Yes, that’s right. 327 delicious links all leading to things like these:

Um, hey there. Can I have a seat there?

Oh my, the hair porn will be my death!

Fair warning, there is a video after the jump that will auto start. Sorry about that!

2. Never watch Rob being interviewed by Access Hollywood.

more about “Access Extended Part I: Robert Pattin…“, posted with vodpod

more about “Access Extended Part II: Robert Patti…“, posted with vodpod

I don’t know what it is about Shaun Robinson from AH, but she seriously just brings it out of him. From talking about dandruff to dorky werewolves to compensating for a small penis, Real Rob comes (ha!) out like no other when these two get together. Also, I’m pretty sure she is just a big ‘ol fangirl just like the rest of us. C’mon, touching the hair. Yeah, we are so on to you!

3. Do not read hints to the interviews taped way in advance. Especially ones where Rob is his normal charming self.

I blame GossipCop for this one. Damn, I cannot wait till this interview airs! (Hey Rob, I pulled my “ass muscle” once too

How are Edward and Bella ever going to make it in (insert FF title)?

playing soccer. I feel your pain. Did you get to have an awkward moment with a male trainer while they massage it out? Me too!)

An insider at the show gave Gossip Cop details about the group interview. Here are some of the highlights:

 

*** Kimmel asked whether they were ever injured doing any stunts. Stewart said she only tripped once during a rehearsal, then jokingly said she’d almost died from it.

*** Pattinson said he “pulled an ass muscle,” with Stewart recalling it had been a “groin muscle.” Pattinson agreed it was a muscle that must have gone all the way around and that it was painful.

*** They also spoke about having a difficult time going out without fans and photographers following them.

*** That said, every now and then, they told Kimmel, they’ll “want to go out for a scream” – which means stepping outside their hotel (or even sticking their heads out of a window) for an instant, uplifting fan reaction.

The full interview will air on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on November 20.

4. Don’t think about Rob reading fan fiction.

I’m sure most of you have delved into this world. (If not, here is a list to start with and GO!) We all know the, ahem, dirty things reading this stuff makes us think. And since I always picture Edward as Rob, they are doubly good!

Not a completely new revelation, as Rob hinted to reading the FF in his GQ article back in March, but to go on about it again for Times Online, saying it is amazing, um, wow. I thought, maybe you were just blowing smoke up our asses about that, but now I need to know what Rob’s profile name is on FF.net so I can see his favorites. Is he as excited about updates as we are?!? Did he just get all giddy when Clipped Wings and Inked Armour updated last night like I did?!?

Thinking about Rob reading FF while you are reading FF is a deadly, deadly combination that should be avoided at all costs if you want to avoid that whole coma thing. (I don’t, so I am know thinking about it all the time!)

5. Avoid listening to Rob tunes during all of the above.

Pictures…okay. Videos…even better. Listening to Rob sing in the background to all of this…died.

(Damn you LostImortal!! And by damn, I mean I love you!)

Hello?!? Any of you there? ::crickets:: Oh, I guess in my attempt to show you all the ways to avoid a Rob coma I inadvertently cause them. Oh well. Enjoy, cause they are SWEET!