Abandon hope, all ye who enter here — FF Recs by @KStew411

Don’t get me wrong, I like an angsty, UST-y fic as much as the next person, but I like to try and balance the angst with some humor. Lately, though, the funny fics have been thin on the ground, so this week I’ve just decided to give in and rec the angstiest, saddest fics I could find. But be warned! When I say angst, I mean ANGST. These two stories are dark and kinda disturbing. They are not wussperv friendly. If you can’t handle the tough stuff, I suggest skipping these and reading “Mr. Horrible”. It’s funny, and will make you laugh out loud. These stories are not funny, and will not make you laugh. I apologize about that, because I do so dearly love to make you laugh. Though these fics aren’t funny, they are very well written. And if you can stand the angst and deal with the drama, I think you’ll love them. Just, you know, don’t act like I didn’t warn you.

“Burn and Shine” by pulsepoint

Dark Edward and naïve Bella cross paths in the Clallam County police station and their disparate worlds collide. This is a freaking awesome story. Bella is a college student at a fictional liberal arts college in Port Angeles. Charlie died several years prior, in the line of duty, and Renee seems to be permanently absent as well, though it’s not yet clear exactly where she is. Bella is a sweet kid, a nice girl, all those things. She’s young and naïve and tries to be kind, which of course means that she will rub Edward wrong in every way possible. For this Edward is an ex-con, veteran of multiple prison stints and regular law breaker extraordinaire. He is cynical, jaded, antisocial–everything you would expect from a career felon. Except… Edward has survived a terrible childhood. Abused from the earliest age, Edward’s body is a road map of scars. He recounts growing up in squalor, and hints at possible sexual abuse, as well. I do not love stories that take that turn, however, as of right now it’s mostly a suspicion in Bella’s mind, but it seems pretty clear Edward’s mother was doing something awful to him beyond beating him. Frowny face. So why tolerate all this angst and pain? Because this is a beautiful Edward. He’s damaged and deals with crippling anxiety attacks, especially when faced with an irate female, but in the next moment he’s breaking and entering or “handling” Bella. He tries to steer clear of her, of course, but goody-goody Bella won’t back down. She stands up to him, sometimes to disastrous effects, sometimes to lemony ones, and she refuses to run away when he tries to scare her off. If I have any complaint about this story it’s that maybe everyone is a little hard on Bella–I don’t think she’s as judgmental as some of the characters accuse her of (that role belongs to Rose). She’s just really naïve and sheltered and has no frame of reference for dealing with someone of Edward’s ilk, which leads to a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication. Burn and Shine also features the greatest. Jasper. EVER. I have never loved Jasper more than I have here. Edward’s fellow ex-con, his best friend–his only friend–he is a Southern charmer, a pathological liar, and a master manipulator. He’s sly and slick and for all his good-ole-boy manners, he is dangerous. I ADORE this Jasper. Also big time props for an OOC Carlisle (Edward calls him a “sport coat wearing asshole”) and a really clever take on Jake. The pacing is excellent, the POV balanced between Bella and Edward, and though it is an angst-fest, Burn and Shine is definitely worth your time.

More after the jump…

“Loner” by Nilla

This story comes with a big fat ANGST/ABUSE warning. It is clear from the very first paragraph that Edward has suffered the worst kind of sexual abuse. Now look–I hate this type of stuff. I have bailed on more stories I can count because of this kind of plotline, but for some reason I ended up giving this story a chance. It kept popping up in my searches for new stories and I read the summary several times and then, just this last weekend, decided to finally give it a shot. I read the available chapters straight through in three hours. Is this story disturbing? Yes. Edward was beaten and raped by his stepfather, James, for years before being “rescued” by the Cullens. Is this story incredible? Yes. Edward is an unstable vortex of rage and shame. He can’t bear to be touched in even the most casual of ways and his self-loathing has grown to epic proportions. He has no friends and a barely-civil relationship with his adopted family. Enter new kid in Forks Bella Swan. Despite their rocky start–Edward is really antisocial–Bella senses that there’s more to Forks High’s resident loner and “freak”. The pacing of this story is a bit slow, but true to the sad reality of many rape survivors, Edward is just not going to open up in five minutes for Bella. It takes a lot of Bella’s–and the reader’s–patience to draw Edward out of his shell. He truly believes himself to be utterly worthless, he is absolutely convinced that he is “bad” and deserves nothing. But Bella won’t give up. And Edward, despite his own instincts of self-preservation, tentatively reaches out. Bella has her own past–devastating in its own way but not nearly as brutal as Edward’s–so she can meet Edward on something of a level playing field, both dragging their traumas behind them. Yes, this story is very dark, and yes, this is a deeply damaged Edward. But there are no graphic depictions of anything except James knocking Edward around. The author handles the whole topic of sexual abuse with amazing sensitivity and care, and the product is this sad, desperately lonely Edward whose thoughts and reactions are completely believable given his circumstances. His Bella is a strong young woman, determined not to give up on him despite her own fears and insecurities. She stands up to Edward and for Edward, and I couldn’t help but do a fist pump when she decided she was going to be friends with Edward Cullen if it killed her. I put a heavy CAUTION on this story–it won’t be for everyone. But if you can deal with the darkness, this is a lovely story about forgiveness, friendship, and love. It kind of reminds me of Wide Awake.

If you aren’t feeling the angst, be sure to check out KStew411′s other FF recommendations! There is something for everyone!