Monthly Archives: April 2010

Betty White, You Have Disappointed Me

Dear Betty White,

Betty, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a fan. I watched the Golden Girls when I was a kid with my own grandma. You were the coolest old lady I knew. And when Rob dropped that he liked the older ladies and said you were the hottest woman in America, I (figuratively) gave that boy a pat on the back. He basically said that NO woman in the U.S. was off limits in his book. Age ain’t nothing but a number baby!

But then I read this interview today in the New York Post, and I was a bit disappointed. When asked if there isn’t something the “mother of comedy” still wants to do with her career? Say, a nude scene with that young, smoldering Pattinson who’s so taken with her? You said,

“No, sorry I wouldn’t. “There really isn’t much spare time these days.”

WHAT?!?

Okay, don’t get me wrong, I may not necessarily be wanting to watch said scene, but damn women, at least pretend. The boy gave you the ultimate compliment. The least you could do is reciprocate by saying you’d totally do him. But you know what I really think?

I think you are a liar. Ever since that episode of The View, I think you have become the ultimate Rob fan.

I think you have a poster of Rob over your bed that you fall asleep staring at every night. That you have Google Alerts set up (cause yes, you are a techno savvy grandma!) to email you new pictures of Rob. You own a copy of every one of Rob’s movies, even the creepy German version of Lord of the Rings, whatever it’s called. (Rings of the Nibelungs. I couldn’t even pretend not to know.)

You are a closet Rob fanatic.You are just like me. You have to pretend you know nothing, when really, you knew everything about the boy 2 weeks ago. We are kindred spirits you and I. You are me, only 60 years in the future.

So, I’m sorry I had to call you out on this. I just couldn’t let you get away with it. The lie was too big not to point it out. I hope you will forgive me. And please, do get Rob that thank you note. I know MY grandma would have gotten it out 2 days after the event, cause that’s how she rolls!

Love you lots,

Amber


Rob Gets on a Plane and Breaking Dawn is On!

Rob Gets on a Plane

Well we all know about the Eclipse reshoots. I’m over it. I still have high hopes for the movie, which mainly comes from the fuck awesome trailer they put together. Plus, I just rather stay positive cause I haven’t seen the movie yet, and I’m not gonna judge it till I see it. And I probably won’t be able to judge it honestly until it comes out on DVD and I watch it about 50 times.

With the reshoots means we got some new Rob! While I love smiley, happy London Rob, I really do love having that man on this side of the ocean as well. I don’t know why. Don’t judge me.

Oh, and the boy is bring the guitar! Maybe some plans to write some tunes in the free time? One can only hope! And I think I’ve figured out Rob’s multiple layer issue. He just get’s really cold on the plane. Totally get it. I do too. That means we are kindred spirits, well, me, Rob and the thousands of other people that also get cold on planes because they keep it at sub-zero tempatures.

Breaking Dawn is On

For how long now has Summit been saying that Breaking Dawn is not even officially on their radar? Pulling this whole, we may or may not make it on all of us. Well, forget the official announcement that the movie is happening. They just jumped straight to announcing the director, which the award winning Bill Condon.

Does that man’s face not scream Twi-hard at you?!? ————->

No? Well, does it really matter? The guy was the director for Dreamgirls, has won an Oscar and according to IMDB, 15 other awards and 22 nominations. So it’s not like they just pulled this guy out from behind a dumpster and said, “hey, you want to direct a movie?”

To be honest, I haven’t seen any of his movies that he’s directed, but I did see all the episodes of Sister, Sister which he was a writer for as I loved the reruns on Disney while I was in college. And based on that, this choice is a homerun!

I feel bad for him. The source material is a bit rough. And I can only imagine what Stephenie Meyer as producer really means, and how he’s gonna have to work with that. But, as I said with Eclipse, I will not judge till I see it.


The Sex Hair Before it Was Deemed Sex Hair (Or the post that had to do because there were no airport pics yet)

Apparently it was quite obvious that Rob had sex hair long before the term “sex hair” became something the Robsessed used on a daily basis. It’s true. You all know you do. Don’t lie.

And yesterday, someone made a quite a discovery. That we Rob fans were not the first to recognize the sex hair. That we were not the first to try and replicate it across all man kind. The Rob hair lives… in the men’s hair style book at your local salon!

Why hello there? You look vaguely familiar...

And from every angle! Want to make sure we get that do right! Although can anyone match the jaw porn? (no)

And the girl that found this little jewel wasn’t even looking for it. Totally by accident. How many guys picked this hair style without ever realizing that in the very near future, they would never go for it willingly. Hell, today, most guys will pick mullet manbangs below just to avoid being associated with the Twilight guy.

At this point, salons should just make a book of Rob hair styles and have guys pick from there. Whether it be the sex hair, the longer How to Be hair, or even the “eff everyone, it’s my hair I do what I want” short and tight hair, guys would be better off taking some notes from the master of sex hair.

So just so you all know, I wasn’t even gonna write over the hair do (even though I still had some fun with it), mainly cause there were rumored airport pictures coming. Obviously by the time I had to get down to business on this, those pictures weren’t here yet. Boo.

Thanks to ROBsessed for sharing these with the world!


The HunterHunting Special — FF Recs from @KStew411

This week I am rec’ing two stories by one author. Many of you (most of you) have probably read “Clipped Wings & Inked Armor” by HunterHunting, in fact, as I was reading this fic it was one of the biggest, most popular stories in the fandom. I just assumed everyone was always reading it. Someone recently told me, however, that not only had she not read CW&IA, she had never even heard of it. What?! Unacceptable. So I am rec’ing it this week, for those who may not have experienced this story already. Also, because CW&IA is such a gut-wrenching read, I think it appropriate to follow it with a rec for HH’s current work in progress, the comic and smutty “The Misapprehension of Bella Swan”. So this week it’s the HunterHunting two-for-one special in the fanfic rec’s. Note: due to smut content, both these stories will be linked to the uncensored Twilighted editions, though MoBS can also be found on HH’s blog (also uncensored) and on FFN (sometimes edited for content).

Clipped Wings & Inked Armor” by HunterHunting

Oh this story. This one comes with the biggest ANGST warning–it’s way, way up the angst scale, somewhere right around “Wide Awake” for drama. In fact, I think the top-three angstiest stories I’ve read are WA, CW&IA and “How to Save a Life”. The only thing that made getting through CW&IA tolerable was that HH updated almost every week, sometimes twice a week. So waiting through the heartfail was usually never too bad. And now, for those who haven’t read it, it’s complete so you don’t have to sweat out the cliffies. CW&IA is one of the best-written fics out there. This is one of those all-human stories that makes you think, “Change the names and this could be a novel.” It opens in Chicago, where Edward Masen is one of the proprietors of a tattoo parlor, along with Emmett, Jasper, and Alice, the resident piercing expert. This is Tattward in his original form. Edward has multiple piercings and is covered in ink (all of which is detailed in HH’s profile on FFN). Bella arrives as a grad student at Northwestern and goes to work for Edward’s aunt Esme in her bookshop across from the tattoo parlor. Of course right away Edward is attracted to Bella. But Bella has problems. She’s recovering from a terrible plane crash that killed her whole family and all of her friends. I’m not a fan of plane crashes, and while some of Bella’s memories are detailed, I never thought HH was being gratuitous in her writing. In fact, one of the strengths of CW&IA is how well she handles the darker aspects of the story. Edward has a past of his own. His parents were brutally murdered when he was eighteen, and while I pegged whodunit pretty quick, Edward’s memory is a wasteland thanks to years of drug abuse, so he hasn’t connected the dots yet. See? I told you this was an angsty story. Bella goes to Edward for a tattoo commemorating everything she lost in the crash, and Edward begins his careful, fucked-up wooing of Bella. She’s messed up, I’m not gonna lie. She has nightmares, a painkiller addiction, post-traumatic stress disorder–she’s a wreck. But the beauty of the story lies in how Edward and Bella slowly put each other back together. And it’s not all tears and pain. Edward particularly brings some humor to the story. He has a cupcake addiction, the whole TK2 plotline was too adorable for words, and even Edward’s OCD tendencies were a source of comic relief occasionally. Part of what makes CW&IA so great is the distinctive voice of Edward. Like “Dead Confederates”, CW&IA has an Edward that sounds unlike any other. He comes across so realistically, it’s almost like he’s sitting right next to you, telling you this in person. If you haven’t read CW&IA, please do. And if you have, it’s always a good time to revisit a classic.

More goodies, after the jump!

Continue reading


WfE Book Club: Chaps. 7-9, Penises, dead horses and an elephant

SPOILER ALERT!!! If you are not reading or planning to read Water for Elephantsbook or script, then do not read this post or the comments. We are reading Water for Elephants together and I want everyone to feel free to discuss openly. You should join us if you haven’t already!

Start at the beginning!!

Chapters 1-3, where the waterworks begin!

Chapters 4-6, lots of new characters!

Seems like August is trying to redeem himself after the incident with the cats by inviting Jacob to his room for a fancy dinner with the wife, Marlena. Everything is going fantastic and it seems Jacob starts to change his mind about August until that one fleeting moment before he passes out. The moment Jacob says he appears to be a different man. He passes out and Marlena explains that he has his little moments.

Poor Jacob. He passes out after getting drunk at the dinner, pulls a walk of shame (minus the sex) back to his cart and then walks in on Kinko, um, having his way with himself. Hell, I think I blushed when I read it, so I cannot even imagine what Jacob is thinking.

After running out of the room, Jacob meets up with Otis to feed the cats. Unfortunately, their is no refrigeration on the train so the meat has taken a turn south, maggots and all. It’s clear there is no way they can feed it to the animals. Then he goes to check on Silver Star, who is with Marlena. It’s clear the horse is going to have to be put down.  He gets a gun from August, and regardless of the possibility of being “redlighted,” puts the horse down.

While Jacob sits and waits for the train to leave without him, August finds him to tell him he’s fine and won’t be redlighted. And then there is this sickening moment where you realize how Silver Star’s body was disposed of. Ewww.

Flash forward to old man Jacob waking up in restraints with Rosemary, the good nurse. She shows Jacob that she does have some respect for him and his wishes, and you just can’t help but smile for a moment, cause I know she is. And I had to laugh at the story about bathing, being undressed and how not all things have died at 90.

And of course, the story about his wife, and how the children shuffled him off to the “assisted living center” as soon as the opportunity arose after she passed. Once again, my gut is just ripped and I’m hoping I never have to make a decision like that. Or that a decision is made like that for me. Ugh. Getting old sucks.

But the family is coming today, and it’s circus day. So Jacob is happy and really doesn’t care too much about all those things for the moment.

Jacob gets his breakfast in his room, and is enjoying the reappearance of cream, until he starts looking into the mirror. This is really the part where I hate that the book is in 1st person, cause I so teared up. You just think of all the elderly people in your family and wonder if they saw the same thing, someone staring back that was not them.

And now we jump back to young Jacob. Do these flashback sometimes make you crazy? They do me. I can’t help it. I hate having to wait a chapter to know what happens next in the world of young/old Jacob. The train pulls up to the defunk circus, and Uncle Al starts his work, meeting with remaining circus peeps who want a job and turning most of them down.

Watching the whole process of taking over another circus is interesting. This is also when we learn that August really has no heart for the animals. While Jacob is fussing and worrying about them, August lets the ones from the other circus starve to help the business discussions go. And then gets pissed at Marlena when she gives her food to some of the non-picked up employees still hanging around. It’s just obvious the man has no humanity. None. Zero. Zilch.

And finally now, we see what Uncle Al has really acquired from the circus, which is an elephant.  And considering we all know the name of this book, you know it’s pivotal.


Am I Nervous About Eclipse? Nope. Not Too Much Anymore.

Whereas by this time I knew damn near every in and out of New Moon, Eclipse remains as elusive as ever. The movie we know nothing about (other then the entire story line) is finally starting to coming into focus. Possibly.

Thank you Oprah for this.

Compared to what in my opinion was a lack luster first trailer for Eclipse, this one delivers. I get to see action, I get to see newborns, I get to see non-Rachelle Victoria and I get too see an engagement ring that the prop department clearly got from a $.25 machine outside the local Walmart. Now, officially, I am really excited!

As with what seems to be the majority of peeps, Eclipse is my favorite book in the series. I love the action wrapped around a love story. Makes everything much more interesting. So I kind of have high expectations for this movie. And the fact that everything has been so secret was worrying me a little. I wasn’t sure if Summit learned their lesson from whoring out too much New Moon, or if there was some back room concern I didn’t know about.

Either way, this trailer right here makes me feel WAY better about everything. Now, if they would just announce the soundtrack listing, I would be a happy camper. In a tent. With just Robward.


To Post or Not to Post? That is the question…

Last night, we found out Rob was alive, thanks to a fan who got a picture with him while he was at Lizzy’s shoe in

Oh, Drunk Rob! Nice snag there fangirl!! :)

London. Super sweet, and probably slightly intoxicated, Rob!

And seriously, within 5 minutes of the first tweet I saw of it, every major Rob site had it posted. Can’t blame them. It’s hard being a Rob blogger when Rob is hiding out, so of COURSE you’re gonna post anything you can get your hands on. Even I posted the picture…. see?

But I made a comment that kind of spurred on a conversation…

I’ve said this before on my blog, but after watching that fan picture show up on every blog, I will reinterate… if I EVER get a picture with Rob, I will NOT post it on the interwebs. Not even on my Facebook, where I post everything. Nope. Just ain’t gonna happen.

I’m sure you are wondering why. I mean, for a Rob blogger, isn’t getting a picture with Rob like finding the holy grail? Why yes, yes it is. And I am not about to share that holy grail! And how cool is it to know you have a picture of Rob that no one else has seen? It would be all mine, and I’d want to keep it that way.

Then, MPWastingMorn made a good point. A point I hadn’t considered when I made my statement. A point that basically defined the ONE instance where I would post my Rob picture all over the interwebs, my office, my bedroom, etc. And that one exception is… if Rob was checking me out.

Do you remember this picture?

Wait, is this chick even wearing a shirt? I guess we'll never know...

I mean, COME ON! That girl has bragging rights FOREVER! She will always be that girl that Rob boob checked out. And honestly, now that it’s been brought up, I have to say, I kinda want that. Maybe I need one of those cameras that does like 10 pics in a short amount of time. Maybe I need to invest in an insanely low cut shirt (and a really good push up bra) before L.A. Okay, maybe what I really need is a boob job cause these babies were destroyed by my two babies. Yep, I just gave you way more information then you ever wanted.

But, if by chance, Rob and I take one of the traditional fan pics, just to know that none of you will ever see it. It’s not cause I don’t love you and that I wouldn’t want to spread the word on high (cause I would), but I’ll just have to keep it to myself…. and the guy at Kinkos that blows pictures up to poster size.

Alright, this is a good place for a poll…

If you pick option 3, you gotta go to the comments and give me your criteria for what you’d keep and what you’d post. That’s the rule!


Taking Notes from the Hungarian Fans!

I don’t think any of us have given proper props to the Rob fans out in Hungary. As you all know, Rob recently wrapped up filming on Bel Ami and it was a pretty well attended shoot by the fans. The number of videos and photos we got may not have been quite to the extent of the ones from Remember Me, but there was still quite a bit. Enough where even I quit looking after awhile.

But the most amazing part of all of this was how great the videos were. No screaming. No fangirls completely losing their shit. Almost like a revered awe for Rob, which is an amazing feat. Hell, I can’t even guarantee I won’t squee a bit the first time I see the Rob in person (June baby, June!).

Listen hard on this one. They are actually shushing the girls getting a wee bit loud! And when he waves, they applaud him, not scream at him.

And look, more respectful clapping!

Amazing. For those who think it can’t be done, this proves it can. We can be fangirls, and we can get excited and express that excitement, but why scream? Clapping, even some quieter squeeing works much better.  Then if Rob does choose to say something, you might be able to hear him.

Like this! When you are good, you get rewards! Big ones!!

P.S. The fans finally lose it after the Hungarian, so best to go ahead and turn the video off at that point. And who can blame them, really! :)

So let’s seriously take a moment to give these fans some kudos. And inspire to be more like them. Maybe starting with the Eclipse premiere. I’d love to be able to leave the ear plugs at home. For serious!

P.P.S. I really hope I can walk the walk with this, but I’m totally afraid I’m going to lose my shit when I see Rob. So the night before and on the plane ride there, I’m going to just keep watching these videos and thinking of these fans and how if they can do it, we all can!

All videos were hijacked from belamifilm.com! Keep up with them! Once we get closer to the release date, you won’t want to miss any of the good stuff!


Grab Bag o’ Crap — Gangstas, SNL & Tunes

Now that we are back in to a Rob-light time, this is when I have to start getting a bit creative. Start working the ol’ blogging juices. Since there are a lot of little things going on, you know, things that are worth talking about but not worth dedicating a whole day’s blog too.

Kristen is Straight Gangsta Yo!


Well, if the Stew decided she wanted to look like one of those white middle class girls who think they are straight gangsta, it worked. But you know what. It doesn’t look that bad on her. Maybe cause she is smiling. What can I say? When the girl smiles she is gorgeous. Even with her tomboyish look. Plus, I mean, would I be much more dressed up at an outdoor music festival? Nah, probably not. I don’t like getting sweat on my good clothes.

Rob on SNL?

Ugh, Rob and KStew were the victims of a terrible Saturday Night Live skit. They weren’t in it (duh!) but were impersonated… poorly.

WTF? Of course, this is when I realize and I am too deep in the fandom cause all I can see is everything they could have done to make it better, and didn’t. Like, put them in plaid. Have actual sex hair. I don’t know. Just ick to me.

Of course then I think back to whether or not Rob should just go ahead and make the jump and host SNL himself. Taylor did it, and I have to admit there were some funny moments. I’ve entertained the idea of Rob on SNL before and I go back and forth on whether he should or not. But honestly at this point, it is sheer curiosity of what he would do.

Where is my Soundtrack Listing?

Maybe Lady Antebellum can write a new song about vampire booty calls...

We finally got a teeny bit of word on the Eclipse soundtrack, and I’ll have it in my hands on June 8, or June 4 if someone can get their hands on it and start spreading pirated versions all over the interwebs.

But what gives? How do we still have zero clue who will be on it? It all goes back to I feel like this movie is coming out on June 30 and I know nothing about it. So I pretty much feel like I do about any other movie that is coming out in June. Which really in unacceptable in my privileged, entitled Twilight fandom!! (Kidding… sort of.)

And, although I have no idea where I saw it, I seem to remember Rob saying he may be working on a song himself for Eclipse. Honestly, this is the only reason why I care there is no soundtrack listing. The wait it killing me!


Business continues — @KStew411 FF Recs

No opening in favor of getting rec’s done. Still so busy I could throw up.

How to Save a Life” by unholy.obsession

So I waited to recommend this story until it was finished. Why? Because it’s angsty as fuck. This is one of the angstiest stories I’ve read. I didn’t want to recommend it until you could read it in one go because waiting for updates–even though the author was good about updating regularly–was killer. But now it’s complete so you can read without the painful waiting through the cliffhangers. “How to Save a Life” is a high-school set, all-human fic in which Bella moves to Forks after growing tired of dealing with her bi-polar mother. In Forks Bella becomes friends with Alice Cullen and she meets Alice’s surly, reticent older brother Edward. At first, HTSAL Edward seemed like such a prick to me. He’s a stoner, he’s high or strung out most of the time, he’s abominably rude to everyone, especially Bella. But as Bella unwinds the events of the previous year, the reasons for Edward’s behavior become clear. Everything hinges on a fatal car accident the year before which killed Edward’s girlfriend, Tanya. They were the golden couple–the popular jock and his straight-A class president-type girlfriend. But as Bella finds, all is not as it seems at Forks High. I really loved “How to Save a Life” for its Bella. She’s pretty amazing. Her life has not been perfect, but she remains optimistic and inherently kind to others. She cares deeply about the people around her. She throws herself into the void of Edward’s problems, trying to restore him back to the happy, together guy he was before Tanya’s death. However, the more Bella probes into that car accident and what lead Tanya to drive out that day, the more she finds an ugly truth. And this Bella is no Pollyanna. She knows that she can only push Edward so far before he has to want to get better for himself. She’s just not going to let him linger in his depression as everyone else has done so far. But of course, this is an angsty fucking story, so Bella encounters plenty of drama of her own (this story delivered one of the most heart-stopping moments I’ve read through so far). And Bella is not perfect. She’s lashes out in anger and she comes to treat Edward about as bad as he’s treated her. But when she’s just about to give up hope for good and throw herself into the same abyss Edward has been living in, he reaches out and gives her back her sense of optimism. “How to Save a Life” is about healing and forgiveness and moving on in the face of devastating tragedy. It swings between unbearably sweet moments and gut-wrenching angst, and through it all is Bella, dragging everyone back toward the light.

Continue reading


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