Congrats! If you are reading this your just survived the last weekend of shopping before Christmas. You deserve a reward, right? Time for some me time, just you, the reading device of your choice (I personally love my Nook) and fan fiction. Edward fixes everything. And I do mean everything. I LOVE Red Koolaid for taking the time to put together some fan fiction recs for us! Cause honestly, I was starting to run low. Enjoy!!
It’s winter in the northland and prime time for extended FF reading. One of the few things us tundra-dwellers look forward to — snuggling up on the couch with our computers and some hot FF. Recently, however, that very thing that keeps me going was seriously threatened. A poorly placed bottle of water got knocked over into my beloved MacBook Pro and reduced it to toast. To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. Yes, I had to resort to reading FF on my phone; tolerable, but just not the same. It was a sad week.
Friday night when I arrived home from work all depressed, the hubs was waiting for me. He said, “Let’s go buy you a new computer.” An hour later I had a shiny, new MacBook Pro. Yay. I knew there was a reason I married that man. So now I am trying to get caught up on my reading and the hubs is allowed free reign with the TV remote (for a while, anyway.) We’re very happy at my house. Note: The only remaining sadness is the loss of my extensive Rob porn collection. I hope I can count on you all to help me start a new one. (Amber Note: I keep my “collection” on an external hard drive just in case! Smartest thing I ever did…)
So, if you have some time to spend on the couch and your computer is up and running, here are my latest recs:
He could con me out of ANYTHING...
Edward is a con man, masquerading as college student Anthony, with the ultimate goal of winning Bella’s heart in order to swindle her out of millions of dollars she inherited from her mother. All their interactions are carefully plotted and executed and Bella is falling into the trap quite easily. She wants to use her money for good and thinks Anthony is helping her, but he is lining her up with all the wrong people who will take the money and run, Anthony included. But Anthony finds himself falling in love with Bella and can’t quite follow through on the scam. He is desperate to save her from the criminals he has been working for and find a way out for himself. Will Edward/Anthony do the right thing and will Bella see Edward, not Anthony, and forgive him? This one is at the end, so you don’t have to wonder for long.
You know how I love these professor stories! Bella is a wild-dressing, smart-alecky student who annoys the hell out of slightly geeky Professor Edward Cullen. When she is left by her friends at the bar without a ride home, the kind professor offers her a ride. (oh oh) She asks him up to her apartment for a drink and he finds himself saying yes. Edward’s sexual experience is very limited and he’s highly intrigued by the free-spirited Bella who makes no bones (ha) about wanting to jump his bones. And in a kind and sweet and non-threatening way, she becomes his teacher in the ways of love, err sex. Love the spunky hippie Bella and the goofy, but sincere and loving Edward. Sweet tea, baby.
Edward as Army man! Recently returned from his second tour of duty in Iraq and close to retirement from the military, Edward is not sure what’s next in his life. He’s single with no girlfriend, and no real plans. One night a young teen throws a rock at his car and breaks the windshield. Edward is furious and makes the boy call his mom, who turns out to be the lovely Bella, an Army widow with four young sons. As young Emmett works for Edward to pay for the windshield, Edward finds himself falling for Bella and her four crazy boys. Bella is still mourning the loss of her husband, the boys are not sure about mom bringing a new man into their lives and Edward is figuring out how to bring them all together into one happy family that he desperately wants. So good.
Bella is a live-in nanny for Rosalie’s young son, Henry. Rosalie’s ex-husband, Edward, is one fine man, but seems cold and controlling. On her night off, Bella dresses up with blue contact lenses, make-up and a hot dress and goes to a club with friend Angela. Edward is there and not recognizing her, puts on the moves. Bella, flattered by his attention, tells him she’s “Marie” and after many drinks, ends up in his bed for a hot, sex-filled night. A few days later, Rosalie is off to Europe with a new boyfriend and Bella and Henry must spend two weeks with dad/Edward at his house. Bella is paranoid that Edward will recognize her a Marie, so she wear horn-rimmed glasses, has messy hair and sloppy clothes. Over the week, Bella discovers that Edward is really a nice guy and a great dad and Edward finds that Bella really cares about his son and has a hot body under all those clothes (he sees her in the pool in a bikini). But, is there something familiar about her?? Yeah, Bella finally confesses to being Marie and the bad news bears begins. Expecting some angst, but hoping it works out for the best.
One of my fav authors of the Rain Season and Incubus Anomaly (which has a smashing ending BTW) has a new fic with Edward as a cowboy! A rugged, scruffy, leather smellin’ strong silent type cowboy. While she was away at college, Bella’s long-time boyfriend, Jake, found a new girl, got married and is having babies. Bella’s life consists of working at Fleet Farm and having a cat. Hmmmm But things are looking up, sort of. When she falls down in the parking lot at the grocery store and blows a tire on a deserted rural road, both times Edward mysteriously appears on a white, err brown horse to the rescue. We need to know more about this mysterious Edward. To be continued.
Shhhhh... names are unnecessary.
How did I miss this gem until now? Bang. Bella and Edward don’t even know each other’s names and they like it that way. Bella is engaged to Jake; Edward was married to Tanya, who recently committed suicide. He’s not exactly the grieving widower; she’s not exactly the committed fiance’. I think you know where this is headed. Hot lemons and cool music (see Edward’s ipod playlist) and a bit of angst thrown in just so they can “work it out.” Oh yeah.
Edward and Bella in the Wild West. Edward is a lonely rancher in Colorado. Bella is a spinster of 25 living in Virginia with her married brother. Desperate to have her own life, Bella answers Edward’s ad in the Matrimonial News and soon she is on a train to Colorado as a mail order bride. Edward likes the looks of her and she likes the looks of him, so within a day they marry. The naive Bella is a bit worried about Edward’s “snake” in her “valley,” but he is a very loving man and soon they are trying out Kama Sutra positions (yeah, kinda weird, but it adds some variety). Interesting details about life in the late 1800′s. Makes me glad as hell it’s all in the past. Great story.
Now that Incubus Anomaly is done, I needed a good vampire story. Edward is a little creepy in this one, in a hot kinda way. Bella wanders into a dusty, dark bookstore and meets the mysterious owner, Edward, who always seems to be hanging over her reciting erotic poetry. (Why does this never happen to me?) Bella can’t seem to get him out of her mind, probably because he hides in her closet and does naughty things to her while she sleeps. (Again,why does this never happen to me?) Oh, and he leaves more erotic poetry (in Italian( in her truck, her bed, etc. See how creepy hot this is? The Cullen family is on board to help Edward seduce Bella, but I think he’s doing just fine on his own, thank you very much. And so it goes… not sure where, but can’t wait to find out.
That’s it for now. Let’s just say I’m looking forward to a long-ass winter up here in the tundra, with my FF to keep me warm/hot and bothered.
Stick with me, cause I think next week is gonna be pretty fun!
My Fave Rob Quotes from 2010 aka The Only Quotes I Really Remember
I realized something over the past couple days. While I literally devoured every interview, video, ANYTHING with Rob talking last year… not so much this year. When you all called for quotes last week, I was like “oh yeah, that’ll be easy.” Um, apparently not. I mean ::whispers:: I haven’t even watched the Eclipse commentary yet. I know, right? What the hell?
Why not talk about some Rob quotes even when I don't remember any of them?
So anyways, I asked some of you for your fave quotes, and I got a couple, thank goodness. The rest are from my good ‘ol memory.
I present to you… the BEST quotes (that I can remember) from Rob in 2010! (Love me through it.)
Awww… I love the Jay Leno appearance. I feel so sorry for the poor girl who was on the show (don’t ask me her name and I am too lazy to Google it) since she got slammed by the crazies, but Rob def shined for that one moment when she came out with that quote. Owned. (Thanks Kathie for reminding me!)
Like I said, I have not watched the commentary. Yes, yes, lame, I know, but I have seen this quote dropped everywhere, so clearly it’s memorable and will make me laugh when we finally hear it for the first time. (Thanks for pointing that one out to me Stephanie!)
The joke no one got from the Details interview (which had several winning quotes). The one that spurred all these “Rob is gay!” stories. I died laughing. I mean srsly, was the joke that hard to get? What happens when you are allergic to something? You swell up. Should I draw a picture? Therefore, most men are allergic to vaginas. Goodness, I felt like the smart kid in the room for a few days! Plus, I just kind of love that he honestly had no idea what to say to the naked girls. Awesome.
And here we are thinking that being an actor is all fun and games. Poor Rob. I can’t imagine having tape up my ass while trying to act sexy. But hey, when you watch those Remember Me scenes, the boy nailed it!
For such a sad movie, the commentary for Remember Me was surprisingly funny. I was worried, but when Rob dropped this quote, it was all worth it. I can’t even remember why he said it, but damn. Someone grab that and let me make that my ringtone!
I love when Rob just basically says a big eff you statement on the whole relationship with Kristen thing. And that is exactly what he did on Oprah. In fact, this quote made the top 20 celeb quotes in People, which is cool. Whether you are a Robsten believer, a doubter or you could really care less (like me!), you can still appreciate the fact that Rob is trying to protect his personal life. Which to me is always cool!
Srsly, here is where my well ran dry. So fill in the ones I left out in the comments, cause I’m SURE I left out some good ones!
5 comments | tags: Allergy, commentary, fun stuff rob says, i really should have a better memory, jay leno, quotes, Robert Pattinson, Vagina, what happened this year | posted in Rob Pattinson