Jumping the Gun on Calling a Drought

Do we overuse the term “drought” when referring to not seeing Rob for an extended amount of time? Cause I’m kind of starting to think that we do.

Yesterday, it was announced that Rob was now scheduled to appear at the People’s Choice awards. Cool. I love seeing Rob all prim and proper at an awards show. But then people started proclaming the end of the drought and I thought, wait a minute. I don’t remember being in the middle of any drought.

I mean, we just saw pictures over the past weekend of Rob partying it up on the Isle of Wight for New Year’s Eve. Did those pictures some how not count?

So here is my thought…

We need some kind of system in place to properly report droughts and the ending of droughts. And what better way of reporting such crucial news then using the United States of America’s very own color coded advisory system. I mean, they aren’t using it anymore, and I hate to see someone’s good work go to waste.

And if you find this as difficult to understand as the one the U.S. government puts out, no worries. I have an explainer for you:

GREEN = Drought Risk : LOW

This ain’t no drought! No worries my friends. He has been spotted by way of a fan picture in a pub, or a new photoshoot, or perhaps it’s promo time. So quit worrying about the risk level and go check out the new hotness (at least we hope it’s hotness and not something like this.)

BLUE = Drought Risk: GUARDED

What the hell does guarded mean? It means we are in the afterglow. We had one of those days were we could barely keep up with our Twitter feed and the blog updates were coming fast and furiously. A green day, as I like to call it. Is there risk for a Rob Drought? Sure, but no need to worry too much.

YELLOW = Drought Risk: ELEVATED

It’s been about a week. No sign of Rob. Hmm. I’m started to miss him, but not too much. Although, the well for blog postings is starting to run dry. It sure would be nice for him to stick his head out soon and give me some good jawporn to talk about. I’m a bit worried this lapse of sightings may draw out.

SLIGHTLY DARKER YELLOW = Drought Risk: HIGH

Damn. It’s been a whole freakin’ month. Blogs are starting to do “best of” posts which means things are starting to get serious. Where the eff is he? Baton Rouge? London? LA? It’s starting to drive me a bit crazy. I might have to have a Rob movie marathon to get the cravings under control.

RED = Drought Risk: SEVERE

It’s official. We are in a serious drought. It’s like the Rob Drought of Spring 2009 all over again. You know the one were he disappeared with short hair and then came back and POOF! Sex hair was back. Gah, times are tough around here. I’ve watched all my Rob movies as well as all the special features… twice. I’ve had to increase my intake of Twilight fan fiction. All that is getting me by now as I sit in a corner and rock is my Details magazine and a box of Hot Pockets.

So, as you can see, we jump on the drought train way to soon. Hell, I’ll admit it. I’m as guilty as the next person. So print out a copy of this chart and keep it handy. Anytime you start to worry we are in a drought, refer to it and see if you are hitting the panic button too soon.

Here’s hoping for GREEN day today!!