Fucking Halloween candy. As if I’m not jacked up 24/7 on a toxic mix of Dr. Pepper, Skittles, and Taco Bell, now I have giant bag of Butterfingers on my desk. So if I seem extra snarky and quick on the uptake this week, it’s because I’m all hyped up on sugar, doing insane things like building robotic-shark-killing-machines, and emailing with bloggers even snarkier than me about zombies and Snuggies. Snuggies are pure fucking evil, in my book. As one guy recently told me, they’re bathrobes you specifically wear backwards, but to me they’re also like a cult start-up kit. Want to start a cult? Just buy a bunch of Snuggies for your followers to wear, and you’re on your way. As for my robotic-shark-killing-machine, I actually got a little shark floatie powered up with a toy boat’s motor, but then I decided that the world could do without Jaws: Robotic Revenge. So I did the only logical thing and burned that shit in the sink, destroying all evidence and schematics so that future generations couldn’t utilize my robo-skillz to rule the world with their evil robotic-shark-killing-machine army. See what I mean? Fucking Halloween candy.
“Last Rites” by Halo Jones
Halo Jones is the only ficster to make multiple appearances on my favorites list to date, but I decided to rec Last Rites first because it’s my favorite of her stories. As I’ve said before, I’m really hard on AU stories that remain somewhat in canon because in order to be interesting to me, you must take the established Twilight universe somewhere completely fresh and new. Last Rites does just that. Like Carpe Noctem & Fiat Lux, this Edward has a much more visceral, disturbing reaction to Bella. He goes in for the kill, literally, and then must make amends. He’s the same eternal seventeen-year-old living with the Cullens in Forks, but this Edward has a predilection for going to the movies alone. Also, Bella is already 19, and not a student at Forks High. There’s a twist on the parking lot scene, too. I love this story for how Bellward work their way together and then apart. The idea of Edward spending his nights on Bella’s apartment balcony, in a ratty old lawn chair, watching over her is both sad and hilarious. So is the image of Edward stalking after her, taking out his frustration on Fate’s seeming determination to kill Bella on hapless pebbles on the ground. This story is founded on individual lines from the Twilight books, which Halo Jones uses to inspire events, but then takes in a wholly new direction. Also like CN&FL, I actually like this story better than Twilight. The internal logic of this world makes more sense, the vampires actually behave like real vampires (as in, they are dangerous and capable of great violence at the drop of a hat, which they actually follow through on). In Twilight there’s a lot of talk of Edward being dangerous, but we never really see it. In Last Rites, you see it. He is a threat, even as he tries to regain some of his humanity for Bella’s sake. And the Cullens aren’t such pushovers either. Alice was recently introduced to the story and I’m really interested to see more from her as events progress. Updates are somewhat infrequent, but trust, this story is worth the wait. Continue reading
