One of my blogging buddies is gonna shut down her blog (*grumbles* stupid real life *more grumbles*) and she had some classic posts that I could not let “fade to black.” So, today, I am using my blog to post these two posts from Robsession.ca. Oddly enough, they are both job applications to join Rob’s staff, cause let’s face it, we can take WAY better care of him then the current staff.
This first post was born out of the attack on Rob Pattinson by the group of skank hos. When we realized that Rob’s security team was clearly not doing it’s job to the best of it’s abilities, well, I know I had to step in…
Attention: Remember Me Security Team:
Please accept this Blog as our formal application for the positions of “Protectors of His Holy Hotness.”
After watching the pandemonium that occurred today, my friends Amber (from RobMyWorld.com), Lisa and I are offering our services as Robert Pattinson’s bodyguards. We are both willing to put in the time and effort involved in keeping Robert safe from those TwiHards that are deemed dangerous and a threat to Robert’s safety and personal well-being.
Please find our resumes below.
Amber’s Resume:
Objective: Seeking the position of protector of His Holy Hotness
Summary: Exceptionally kickass Bodyguard with no professional experience, but the will and drive to kick some tweenie girl ass if necessary.
Summary of Qualifications:
* Exceptional Knowledge of street fighting, including pulling hair, jabbing eyes out and kicking right in the nuts.
* Strong ability to spot Twihards that may pose potential danger, including those wearing Twilight tees, carrying Edward bags and wearing K-Stew-esque plaid shirts.
* Great negotiating and people skills when “handling” HHH, which will be quite often.
* Excellent ability to handle emergencies and slap a ho into next week.
* Great physical strength and stamina, beyond what is necessary for protecting HHH (ifyoukowwhati’msayinandithinkyoudo).
Education: Chuck Norris’ School of Ass Kicking, Graduate – Magnum Cum Fighter
Katharine’s Resume:
Objective: Seeking the position of protector of His Holy Hotness
Summary: While I have no previous professional experience as a Bodyguard, I have managed to keep a three year old safe and out of trouble.
Summary of Qualifications:
* Former FanGirl, which allows me to pre-determine and intercept undesirable subjects, as I know how the teenager stalker’s mind works. And it’s a scary, scary place.
* Excellent ability to use distraction as a tool to divert attention from Robert and his current… um… position. *Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Knowwhatimean? Knowwhatimean?)
* Willing to put myself in harms way by tackling FanGirls and using my copy of Breaking Dawn as a weapon. That sucker is big. And hard. (oops… did I just say that out loud?)
* Evil Little Pixie. ‘Nuff said.
Education: Christina Aguilera School of Bitch Slapping, Graduate – Valedictorian
Lisa’s Resume
Objective: Keeping HHH safe from Twi-hos…and the occasional Twi-mom
Summary: I’m a high school teacher. They may not call that bodyguarding, but I’ve got mad skillz.
Summary of qualifications:
* I can stop a rampaging teenager with a LOOK. I deal with crazed fangirls every day, and have managed to make them put their Twilight books away for hours at a time.
* Experience with scratching, biting and kicking. And pulling hair. Don’t ask.
* Can flip my hair with deadly accuracy. (See education)
* Much like “Popeye”, Rob’s Cannes bodyguard, I have a gentle touch for Rob, and a strong arm for everyone else. And will bend over backwards to make sure that Rob is satisfied with my “services”. Literally.
* Oh, and I’m a ninja.
Education: Graduated summa cum laude from the Charlie’s Angels School of Hairdressing and Ass Kicking. Major in Ass Kicking, minor in Kick Ass Hair.
With all these new pictures coming out, I’ve decided to add a new feature to my blog called Madden Style. I hope you all know who Madden is, but he kinda really started the drawing on television screens for football games. And since I have this great little tablet sitting here, I thought that might be fun!!
The first picture to face the breakdown… the latest Happy Trail!
As you can see in this first shot, we have the Happy Trail in full force. What is a Happy Trail you say? Well, it’s that little line of hair that runs perfectly from the belly button to the…um, well, his happy place! Don’t worry, if you missed it, I’ve pointed it out for you!
As we look at the picture again for a 2nd time, we now should look at that little patch of crap on the back of his jeans. Through analysis, we’ve determined this to be the remnants of the original tag. Look Rob, I’ve provided you with some little scissors. While I enjoy your grungy, thrift store look, PLEASE just cut that off!! It’s just nasty!!
And in this last pic, I’m going to just take my little yellow pen and eliminate the competition. Yep, you may be one of Rob’s friends girl’s, but you are all competition. So, sorry, you have to go!
Thanks to everyone who entered my “Name My Blog” contest. The winner and their prize will be announced tomorrow! I hope you all are as excited as I am!!!
So, you may have noticed that the name of my blog has NOTHING to do with what I actually blog about (Rob, Twilight,
Cool blog names make Rob smile!
Rob, Rob’s Friends, Rob). I’ve decided it’s time to change that, and thanks to my blogging buddy over at Random Acts of Rob, I’ve figured out a seamless, pain free way to do this.
Unfortunately, my creativity is stifling and I NEED some help!! AND since you ladies (and gentleman) are my target audience and the type of people I want to attract, why don’t YOU name my blog?
Here is what you have to do:
Brainstorm on some creative names. Obviously, they should be Rob, Twilight and/or anything related to those subjects. However, if you have an amazing name but are not sure it will fit, then send it anyway!
Either email the creative names to me (amber@joebendesigns.com), or you can post them as a comment on my blog. Obviously, if someone has the same name and that name is chosen as the winner, then first come, first serve on the winner! Also, understand that by submitting the name to me you are allowing me to use it in any way I wish. You can’t change your mind, or sue me, or anything else like that.
The contest will end at 11:59 p.m. on May 13 and the winner will be announced on May 15.
Now, while it is completely my intention to make the winning blog name the name of my blog, I cannot guarantee that the winning name will become my blog name. There are things like copyright, domains, number of entries, etc. that must be taken into consideration. Don’t take offense, it is all meant to be fun!!
I will then contact the winner and send them their totally awesome, Twilight and/or Rob prize. I have not decided on the prize yet, but it will definitely be worth your time! Promise!
If you have any questions, please post them or email me at amber@joebendesigns.com. Love you all and I can’t wait!!!
So, as you know now cause you all are AVID readers of my blog, my hubby has since jumped on the unicorn train and is riding it all the way through Breaking Dawn (or so I hope). Now that we share the Twilight love, my husband (who is kind of the king of finding hilarious online videos) has decided that he enjoys contributing to my blog and is now adding funny Twilight videos to his searches.
And today, I present his latest finding….another Twilight spoof by EvilIguanaProduction. This one starts a little slow, but if you can make it through to the line “You brought a snack?”, I PROMISE you will love it!!
Another find by my dear hubby, the unicorn! These videos are song spoofs of Twilight, and they are pretty hilarious! These are both from Sunshine Soulmate on YouTube.
A couple months ago, when I started this blog, and never thought ANYONE would read it or give a crap what I had to say. Now that I have a following, I realized that they may have missed some of my really good posts from the beginning.
This Saturday, let’s take a journey down memory lane and go back in time and see some of my favorite posts!
Oh Rob, there you are, living the dream…and you can’t get your damn mind off of Hot Pockets.
But c’mon Rob, if you are going to have an inner monlogue we can all hear (ala Edward style), you should think of more important things. Like me, naked, surrounded by Hot Pockets…I mean, er, um, about how wonderful all of the movies are and what an honor it is to be there!
Hmmm...those pants are fitting a little too snuggly...and I like it!
I could not understand why Stephanie (aka FakerStephanieR) would be concerned that you may need to pay for your tux, but after seeing this picture, I can understand. Looks like SOMEONE decided to go commando in the rental…and, um, wow!
Steph, no worries, this is an opportunity for you to make that money back plus. How you ask?
I will buy those pants off you right now…just name your price. But, seriously, if you washed them, the offer is rescinded. And if Rob sweat in the them ever so slightly, I will double my offer. Mmmmmmm…(I know, I’m disgusting!)
See easy money!
Want to really bank? If you send the pants with Rob STILL WEARING THEM (commando, of course), well, I will give you my first born. Seriously, and you don’t even have to wait because he is sitting here right next to me!
It’s just good to see that big feet really do equal a big you-know-what!
I love Youtube! It is helping to fill that void that exists while I wait for November 20. Here are a few new ones I have found that are so amazing, I even save them to my iPhone.
Enjoy!!
This one is best watched in HD, and will BLOW your mind! (Thanks @lime_slice for pointing this one out to me!)
Love the honeymoon part of this. Gives us just a little more…
I’m Team Edward (obviously), but let’s face it, Jasper just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside (literally). Often overlooked (such as in the Twilight movie when they NEVER explained his special ability) I thought I might dedicate this week’s fanatic finds on Etsy to the feel-good vampire, Jasper.
The piece de resistance for any Jasper fan, a watch with his face on it!
Makes you forget all about Frankie... (by simplybitten)
And you can't get a little bit of Jasper without our fave female vamp, Alice! (by getyourbuttons)
Today’s Fanatic Finds are all ways to show your Twi-obsession…through your kids, of course! Cute lil t-shirts, handmade by some of my fellow Etsians. Be sure and check the whole stores, some of these have some cool stuff for adults as well!
You can be Team Edward, and your little one can root for Jacob! (by twilighttees)
Forbidden Fruit...on your baby! (by BabyBeesBoutique)
It's time to eat...Nessie style! (by enchantedbabies)
And, of course, every lil girl needs a bow...with Edward on it! (by GalsWithGirls)
While searching for some videos for my blog yesterday, I got distracted by one of the more disturbing, time wasting things Twilight fans have done to show their obsessioncraziness love for the book and its characters.
So, if you haven’t seen this phenomenon, here are a couple of the more disturbing ones I found.
Edward is slightly creepy in this one, but this user has actually done most of the scenes in the book with the Sims. So, it was not big surprise when the user profile said she was 15.
Bell & Edward’s First Lunch
Okay, this person took the scene from the movie, then recreated it with Sims THEN dubbed over the voice from the movie. Wow. You’ll even hear the chessy sparkly music at the end, which just made me laugh.
This one is like a montage…weird, KStew may look better as a Sim. More emotion.
And this one I’m including because it’s Rob as a Sim. WTF, people?!?
And now that I have thoroughly wasted an hour of my life that I will NEVER get back!
