It’s not my scene. Suffice it to say, planning out my last rec’s is making me sad. So, I will instead say that I am obsessed with Sebastien Robichaud’s blog (author of University of Edward Masen), and that I am of the belief that SR is he. I thought that, but then the author-insertion in the outtake and a late chapter of UoEM has me sold. He’s a he, and I’d probably really like him in real life. As long as he would promise not to murder me and stuff me in a deep freeze. That’s the qualification for meeting any of you people in real life. Please don’t murder me and stuff me in a deep freeze. If for some reason you aren’t reading UoEM, congratulations, you’re the one. Get on that shizz.

“Discovering You, Discovering Me” by JSFazz

I really love this story right now. It’s only seven chapters in–lately I am rec’ing a lot of new stories, I know–but it kind of reminds me of The Unaccompanied Soul. Something about the tone, maybe. This is an all human story (I am off my AU tangent), about a post-collegiate Edward and Bella. Edward is a pharmacist, but he is painfully shy. And I don’t mean kind of awkward and shuffling-his-feet adorable. I mean that this Edward was the victim of consistent and awful bullying throughout his childhood and he is now withdrawn and largely silent. Bella on the other hand, is a bit more outgoing. She’s awkward and clumsy herself, her friends call her “Hurricane Bella”, but she is overall a kind, warm person. She returns to Forks after graduating from college, with Charlie recently deceased and she’s jobless to boot. Now saddled with student loans and keeping up an old house, Bella takes a job at the Forks Pharmacy. Guess who’s the pharmacist? Yep–shy, “frightened animal” Edward. Their interaction is really lovely, and the characterization of Edward is so subtle and detailed. He barely speaks, but the smallest moments allow such significant insight into his personality and past (the yearbook thing will kill you a little). Honestly, this story made me think of those kids I knew in school, but didn’t really know, who got picked on a lot. It made me wish I’d taken the time to actually speak with them, and be more considerate than just smiling “hello” in the hallway. Edward has clearly been deeply traumatized by bullying. The story hints at particular event, too, one that involves Emmett somehow and represents a significant change in Edward’s life. A little bit of mystery to unravel. DYDM isn’t super angsty, though. While I can definitely see the potential, I can also see that this story could just as well keep its light, thoughtful tone. Counteracting the tale of Edward’s malicious bullying is Bella’s clumsy presence. She knocks stuff over, dumps pink gunk all over Edward, and pratfalls constantly. The story is narrated in BPOV, and she makes for a dry, witty narrator. It keeps the story from sinking too much in Edward’s situation. Bella isn’t stupid; she feels real remorse over her sometimes careless attitude toward Edward as they grew up, but she doesn’t dwell either. She makes her apology and moves on, determined to know Edward the adult, to draw him out of his shell and help him realize his full potential. And the more Edward opens up, the more I like him. He may be shy and a terrible dresser, but he’s endearing and has a quiet charm. I love him. I love this story. I’ve re-read it a couple times already. I’m enthusiastic about where this one is going.

“GYNAZOLE” by Mrs.TheKing

This story also features Edward as a pharmacist, though the tone is considerably different. “Gynazole” may be the outright funniest fic I’ve ever read. It’s like Mrs.TheKing is just trying to be as outrageous as possible, and it’s working. I revisit this story each time something angsty bums me out and it makes me laugh every time. The plot in “Gynazole” is pretty straightforward: Bella meets Edward at the Target pharmacy when he fills her prescription for an embarrassing antibiotic related to feminine troubles. Edward has a tendency to talk a little too loud and Bella is easily embarrassed. They don’t get off on the best foot. But circumstances bring them back together, Bella develops a crush on the hot-if-loud pharmacist, and chaos ensues. I mean literally, CHAOS ensues. At one point Emmett is flinging around a cock ring. When I say this story is ludicrous, I mean it in the best way possible. In the way that Monty Python is ludicrous. It’s just totally out there, completely committed to going as far as possible for the laugh, and wholly hilarious. Emmett is Bella’s neighbor and kind-of friend, Jasper works at Target and may or may not be French, and Alice is obsessed with fashion but always manages to be just behind the latest trends. In the middle of it all is poor, blushing Bella, trying to keep it together. And did I mention they tweet? Bella has created an online persona for herself which doesn’t precisely reflect her reality, and when Edward joins up he insists on calling it “the Twitter”. The drunktweeting part especially cracked me up. This is a quirky, hysterical story featuring a couple of awkward lovebirds who generate chemistry and humor. I have been hunting down funny fics recently and “Gynazole” is hands-down the funniest one I have found so far.

I’m going to seriously get my act together and update KStew411′s FF review page. No, seriously. I promise.